A break up is one of the worst feelings one can ever go through. The feeling of loss, rejection, and loneliness can be so overwhelming that many people lose hope that they will ever be loved again. You might feel that you will never be able to trust someone the same way, or feel that same spark.
The emotional pain is similar to what we experience with the death of a loved one.
You might also feel that different parts of your body hurt. It is not your imagination. A recent study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences discovered that a break up or a strong rejection triggers the same areas of the brain that react to physical pain.
Moving on is difficult. You will go through tremendous mixed emotions that range from wanting to call him again to starting a new life.
These stages might include:
Shock/Denial: This is a stage where you are still in disbelief. It almost seems like you are waiting to wake up from a nightmare. If your partner left you, you are still hoping that he might change his mind. You might even expect him to walk through the door and say, ?It was just a dream.?
Anger: Reality is starting to set in, and the feelings of shock/denial start to turn into anger. You might feel anger towards the other person for leaving you and for causing you emotional pain.
Bargaining: This is the stage where you will plead to reverse the situation. If you?ve lost a family member, you might ask God to bring him back in exchange for an offer in return. If your partner wants to end the relationship, you might try to bargain with him, ?If you stay, It will be better. I promise.?
Depression: Finally you realize that it is really over. She is not coming back. The anxiety is now gone. Enter depression. You feel alone, down and withdrawn. It feels like there is no end in sight. This, like the stages before it, is also temporary but in some case can last up to 3-4 months or more, depending on how serious the relationship was.
Acceptance: This is the final stage, and the best one for obvious reasons. You haven?t forgotten what happened, but you are able to look at it with a fresh new perspective. The memories of the relationship might come back every now and then, but rarely last.
THESE FEELINGS ARE GOOD BECAUSE?
You are human!! There is nothing wrong with them. Embrace these feelings because they are part of who you are and they will help you move forward if you let them.
ALLOW TIME FOR GRIEVING AND RECOVERY
You will need plenty of time to recover.
Don?t focus on things that are out of your control. Your mind will play a few tricks, and play the same thoughts over and over again. This is known as rumination.
This person who left you is not coming back, and you are much better off without him. Not because he is a bad person, but because he doesn?t feel the same way for you anymore. Think how miserable you would be if you were stuck in a relationship with someone that doesn?t reciprocate your feelings.
THINGS NOT TO DO
Don?t look for someone new just yet. Quite often, many people make the mistake of finding someone else too quickly to fill that ?emptiness?.
While it may bring some comfort at first, this move seldom works out in the long run. First, you are not emotionally healed to handle the pressure of a new romance. Second, your emotions are not ready and strong enough to deal with another heart break, if it were to happen again.
Don?t ruminate about just wanting to be ?happy again?. Recent research has shown that people who are rated as ?always happy?, die sooner than the average Joe. Why is this? because individuals who are always content are more likely to take dangerous risks (e.g., fast driving; gambling) and are less fearful of real dangers. Simply accept your situation, the good and bad, and move forward.
Do not try to be just ?friends?. Maybe down the line, but it is not necessary right now. An amicable break up is better than not, but you need time away from this person.
Keep remnants of the relationship such as pictures, letters, clothing or gifts down to a minimum. If possible, hide them all away. If you have children, then just do what you can. Don?t be too hard on yourself.
Spend plenty of time with friends and family. During this difficult period, you will be needing a lot of support. Don?t try to just suck it up!
Stay active! It is important to keep your mind busy. TIP: The human mind doesn?t have enough time to ruminate about past feelings if you keep it busy.
THIS IS THE TIME OF SELF-DISCOVERY
Where am I going in life? Why am I really hurt?
This is the time to find yourself again. You will notice many of the things that you might have taken for granted such as friends, family, nature, etc. This is the time for introspection.
THE TIME FOR THE NEW YOU
During this phase, you might become more attentive to other people in need, or people who might be going through the same situation. Volunteer for a good cause if you can!
Take advantage of this learning experience and better yourself. Remember that old saying, ?What doesn?t kill you, makes you stronger?? That is where you come in.
This is the time for a stronger and improved human being.
That person is YOU.
This article can be found at here
Psychology One Your quick source for mental health, improving your relationship and starting a new one.
Source: http://prayover.net/break-up-this-is-the-time-of-self-discovery/
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